Ok so I wasn't a child when this one happened - but I was a very immature 21 year old. My parents had gone on holiday after my graduation and my elder sister and I traveled back to the family homestead. Our grandmother hadn't been answering the phone, and no-one had heard from her for several days, so it was a reasonable assumption that she had died. My sister wanted to go over to her house ASAP; I wanted to relax for a bit first - if she was dead then there was no hurry. I'm reminded of Tim Minchin relating a conversation with his wife about going to check on their baby, "well if she's dead we may as well watch the end of this film before our lives are destroyed by grief"
When we got there there was no answer at the door so we let ourselves in with the key we had. We went upstairs end into her room. There was a body in the bed turned away from us with the bedclothes covering her. I went around the bed to her and saw she was in a comedy death pose. It kinda reminded me of Nosferatu - the way her wrinkled face was in a slight grimace and she had one hand in a claw-like pose up near her face.So I shook my head at my sister and went over to her; through some tears she said "did it look like she died peacefully?". I figured she was never going to go over to look at the dead body so I said "yes, yes she just looked like she was sleeping".
We go downstairs and I call the ambulance and put the kettle on... and then my sister says she's going upstairs to say goodbye.
I still don't know to this day whether she actually went up to her and saw what I saw.
26 comments:
that's fucked up res... :[
that's really sad..
my grand father died this april, and he too looked a little like nosferatu but not on the pose...
he actually was bold and had big and kinda pointy ears...
it hurts.
*bald
Ick. That's really all I got.
Sad. Thanks for sharing though!
ana / steph
honestly i don't know what you mean when you say "that's sad". do you mean it was sad she died? everyone dies, and she'd had a fuller life than most with regular contact with family and friends up to the end, and then she died in her own bed in her own house long after her allocated 4 score and 10 years. i don't see what there is to be sad about in those situations?
I wish somebody hadn't said it before me in the comments here but right after reading that story of your grandmother and her Nosferatu pose, all I could think was, That's fucked up.
I've seen dead people, before, that I've been close to and no matter how many times I try to pretend they look peaceful, I can't really feel that way about their appearance, no matter how they might seem.
See now I just thought it was funny...
well res, it is sad you had to find her dead...that obviously stayed on your memory.
i'm glad she had a full life. that eases things. but death, although natural, is hard to accept.
making the most of life, sure helps.
it made a strong memory because i wondered if my sister saw her like that, and also because it was one of the first times i realised my reaction to a lot of things wasn't that of a NT.
she was old, she died. it was quite a comedy death pose. the fact i found it comedic even though we had always been in each other's lives made me wonder just how far i was from normal...
What was your reaction? I mean did you find it funny at the time and have to suppress a laugh/smile or..?
under different circumstances i might have - but all i was thinking was "oh ffs i have a free house and a bag of weed and now i have to interact with people and act all grief-stricken"
so actually my pissed-off-ness at how it would affect my immediate life was my overriding thought.
And that my dear Res is why I like you so very much (also your intelligence/perceived intelligence). Death to me has always been an inconvenience on account of is requiring extra acting (crying, etc.). But I am curious, were you close to/fond of your grandmother? Was it likely that (if you were NT) you would find her death distressing?
yes definitely in terms of time spent with her, but not really in terms of emotional closeness! :p
she lived 15mins away and i saw her often - in childhood at least once a week. less when i moved away obviously
Oh you do make me laugh. I know little of your family of course but what do you think would be your reaction on finding a parent/sibling dead?
(Anyone else reading the comments is encouraged to answer that question also)
same i think. i said as much in the 'who am i' post in january. i dreamed i found my dad dead once; he was on a mortuary slab and grey and cold. how about you?
Ah yes, I forgot, but boxes are neither here nor there I think. On finding a relation dead? Annoyance, I reckon. Exasperation. Should I find them in such a death pose as you described I imagine I would have to suppress some presentation of amusement. But perhaps that's merely due to the way you described it.
I think about finding my family members dead. I just do. I've thought about them finding me dead. I used to prop my sibling's eyelid open while sleeping. I always used to watch my Mom sleep, and imagine she was dead. I just figure it's gonna happen one day, might as well imagine it now, so I will be all prepared.
I just assumed that you would be sad, as most people experience some form of sadness when death is involved. It was obviously somewhat of an important experience in your life. I like your comment "so actually my pissed-off-ness at how it would affect my immediate life was my overriding thought" Because it makes me feel better for feeling inconvenienced by others death/sickness!
Death is sad because the person is gone, and you can't talk to them anymore. Maybe that's why it's hard to end relationships, even when they were hurtful
ok res. i know you're not NT. not doubting that. you did/do react differently from NTs. as a consequence of something that disturbs you. i believe when you felt the inconvenience of it all, the detachement and coldness, but i also think that at first you grieved. you did protect your sister. and then yourself... i know you're not NT, but you are not a robot as well. i know you despise humans :b i understand why. but not everything is bad about them. they connect.
in my grand father's funeral, as i was watching him being buried, i thought of my own death; that made me cry. I also thought of the death of other people i love. and cried watching my dad suffer by his father. I remembered and cried for my grandfather also.
ana - the same actions can have different motives... was i protecting my sister or was i simply maintaining my mask?
i wouldn't say i despise humans i simply see myself as separate from them; i don't understand what it would be like to be an emotional sheep and they can't understand what it is like to be me.
Plus if she had gone in and seen it she probably would've broken down and gone all... screamy. No one would want to have to deal with that kind of mess surely?
res
I should have stopped writing at robot.
tn
no doubt you're a psycho
Yeah, but I'm lovely really.
People with clinical depression can have that blunted affect.
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