Christmas break was good; I tended to lie in bed until it got dark, then got on with my day. My gf was around a lot, so I haven't had as much time alone as I'd have liked, but I still went on a couple of nice middle-of-the-night excursions. The whole family thing and "get in the xmas spirit" pressure was less tiresome than I expected it would be, and I got away with the bare minimum of effort buying presents.
I fucking hate shopping: online is bearable and over quickly, but physically going into shops filled with imbecilic sheep is something I have little patience for. I barged deliberately rudely through a gaggle of women standing in a doorway... snarling something to myself I didn't expect them to hear.
The break is over and I've gone from late nights of booze and weed to the respected senior professional at work seamlessly. I'm waiting for the backlash.
I've been thinking a bit about whether I should settle down... part of me knows my life would be easier if I was in a normal couple – I'd eat better, do more, go places, meet people... but I also know I enjoy living alone and having time to myself to pursue my interests.
I've lived my life making friends in different circles when I wanted to, and staying alone when I wanted to. With a 'life partner' there is less scope to choose my own state and I tend to get frustrated that whoever I'm with can't change themselves to be the perfect gf the way I can easily slip into a perfect bf persona.
My gf has a 1st in psychology and knows I... well... we were scoring someone we know on the PCL and she asked me what I scored. I said 10 (I think actually between 16 and 22 depending on whether I score questions erring on the side of being conservative). She was OK with that and she also asked me during a Dexter episode whether I was “dead inside” and I said “I guess I am what many would call flat affect”.
So maybe I could carve out an acceptable long term relationship with her, though she obviously lets her heart tell her I'm all good even though she knows a lot of how I behave must be an act.