Thursday, 19 January 2012

Annoying things

1.  When the toilet roll's 2 ply papers are out of phase
For fuck sake people, if you notice this somewhere - someone's house, a workplace, a public toilet - just unwrap the top layer one revolution to get the perforations to line up again.  At my work it seems like about a full quarter of the time it is out of phase, and not just on new rolls which may start like this.  What dickwad wankers out there are so ball achingly retarded as to fuck this up?

2.  There is an obstruction in a car lane, someone scoots up the empty lane, indicates in to bunk the queue and the person in front of you lets them in
Oh my cunty god, if someone walked up the side of a queue of people and said "can I get in here?" you would laugh and tell them to fuck off to the back of the queue.  What's the difference?  Of course people will do what they can get away with, and I will often be that person cutting in, so I don't blame that person - I blame the person who lets them in.  When I get let in I certainly don't wave thanks etc. because I don't want to encourage that kind of inconsiderate behaviour.

3.  Christians (and other religious people)
Arrogant, intellectually dishonest, smug, illogical (all religions except mine of course), judgmental... Apparently meekness is a virtue, and questioning your religion is a sin.  They don't even know what they believe; try trying them down on the specifics of whether we have souls, or what heaven is like, or whether prayer really works (and how that fits with god having an all-knowing perfect plan).  They think I am disrespectful if I question some bullshit they believe.  They believe shit that affects their everyday life but haven't even bothered to do the most basic fact-checking.  
Basically they are puppet muppets.  I could go on, and have done in other posts.

4.  New parents
Is it a rat?
No, your excitement/pride/happiness will not rub off on me.  No, I certainly do not want to see pictures - a newborn baby resembles a baby rodent and is not beautiful.  No, I do not want to hear about how I should have one of my own.  No, I do not care what weight the little sucker was when she squeezed it out.  Just no.  Piss off.

5.  Cricket
Dullest sport in the world; goes on for days and you don't even know who's winning.
Only acceptable use: bashing zombies

6.  People who don't know when to single-click, and when to double click
I guess this is a sub-set of a larger annoyance of mine: other people.  It's getting harder and harder to find people who aren't annoying.  Being trapped in a situation where some dull twatcum is attempting to small-talk with me really is one of the few times I will be deliberately rude even if allows the mask to slip in front of someone when I would rather it didn't.

7.  Hearing an American say "spit" instead of "spat"
Although I am a bit of what's commonly known as a grammar nazi, I normally I don't really get very upset about grammar, punctuation, spelling, or Americanisms - I know not everyone is as observant, intelligent, or has had the education that I have.  But, for some unknown reason, 'spit' as the past tense of 'spit' really gets my goat.  It spoils the otherwise great song "My Way", which sounds so much better when it is "I ate it up and spat it out, I faced it all and I stood tall... and did it myyyyyyy waaaaay".


Haven said...

I enjoyed this post. 2, 3, and 4, especially 4, really get to me. I hate children. I do not like babies. I think they're essentially useless and no where near as cute as people believe them to be. Everytime someone pulls out their wallet to show off their proud parenting it makes me cringe outwardly.

I'm militantly anti-Christian though I rarely show the extent of my distaste for it. When someone tells me they're Christian my opinion of them instantly drops a couple points. Yes, I'm a little judgemental. I'm ok with this.

Also, cricket! Hah. The one thing America certainly has done right. We'll have none of that.

ResCogitans said...

thanks, though i hope that doesn't mean you haven't enjoyed any other!

yep opinion goes down if they are religious, or believe other shite like tarot cards or homeopathy or horoscopes or dowsing or ghosts or...

ok you don't have cricket but your version of motorsport is going round in circles... put some goddam corners in for fuck sake!

Ana said...

in general i hate when people don't leave things as they found them, in particular my things of course. someone borrows something and after, why don't they put it where it was?!! i think i don't like to borrow things.

i hate number 2, also the ones who let but more the ones who go to the empty lane! my father does that in traffic, actually one more reason to hate that.
one day at the supermarket an old twat asked me to go in front of me because she only had one item!!! i mumbled yes...i didn't want to make a scene but i got very upset inside. i don't do that!!! i wait my turn whether i have 1 or 50 products. the line is to be respected.

i am anti-christian.

ever noticed how i write "i" instead of "I" grammar nazi. muahahahahahaaaaaaa

ResCogitans said...

i'm not sure capitalisation falls into grammar, spelling, or punctuation... it is simply convention (yeah yeah so are the others, but they are less arbitrary).
why should 'i' be capitalised and not 'you'? why 'i' and not 'me'?
basically i just couldn't be bothered pressing that shift key when i'm writing - i am so much the expert on that sort of shit that i transcend the rules. i can be the trendsetter. the rules don't apply to me, i see what should be and i do what is right.

if you don't mind letting them in then do, if not then dont' and don't apologise for it! perhaps she psychologically bullied you into letting her in - did you read my post on persuasion?

klahanie said...

I'm liking your keen observations. It seems you have noted some of my aggravations in this wild and whacky world.
Just like the dickwad when noticing I'm going on vacation asks, "Are you going anywhere nice?" Now why the fuck would I want to go anywhere nice?
Don't get me started on cricket. That strange game where someone walks up to you and states, "I say old chap, it's raining. You lose!" WTF!
Thanks for um a colorful, sorry, 'colourful' posting.

Kelly said...

I shall address these issues that annoy you one by friggin' goddamn one brecause I'm just that kinda guy.

For number goddamn #1- I really have to agree with you on this. whether it happens at a public restroom, friend's place or wherever... it is an act of laziness that deserves the harshest of punishments. I say all genitalia from the offending paper tissue offender be slowly cut off and removed and thrown to little hungry kids in 3rd world nations.

For fucking number 2- My considerate behavior in this situation calls for a bazooka and a batch of grenades for road rage action. Sometimes you just have to use tough love to motivate people.

For Goddamn 3- I don't give a fuck what people believe or not believe. If somebody attempts to push any idea or belief on me, I will break their ribs and cut out their tongues as they scream.

#4- I hate children. Put them in the yards with the invisible electric fences. They'll do fine by grazing on the grass, snow (for liquid consumption) and dandelions, eventually learning patience and understanding. It's good parenting. By the way fuckers of the world, stop your goddamn breeding already. There are far too many morons in this world as it is.

Last but not friggin' least... #5- Cricket is retarded.

#6- Retards that don't know if it's time to click once or twice should be set on fire and thrown out of the building by a moron who enjoys a game of cricket. Perhaps he or she will be badly burned in the process.

#7- I'm not really bothered by that but hey, everyone is bothered by something. For instance, I'm bothered by flies. They bite and poop on you, simultaneously. That makes me mad.

Good post. I follow. I also farted.

Res said...

yep i think i will have a stock answer ready for when someone asks me if i'm going somewhere nice... perhaps "no, just the cheapest place away from the dull fucks asking inane questions you get around these parts"

kelly, lol a rant about a rant... was it sartre who said "hell is other people"? i think you def feel my pain on some of these issues anyway :)