Thursday, 12 January 2012

New Year

Christmas break was good; I tended to lie in bed until it got dark, then got on with my day.   My gf was around a lot, so I haven't had as much time alone as I'd have liked, but I still went on a couple of nice middle-of-the-night excursions.  The whole family thing and "get in the xmas spirit" pressure was less tiresome than I expected it would be, and I got away with the bare minimum of effort buying presents.

I fucking hate shopping: online is bearable and over quickly, but physically going into shops filled with imbecilic sheep is something I have little patience for. I barged deliberately rudely through a gaggle of women standing in a doorway... snarling something to myself I didn't expect them to hear.

The break is over and I've gone from late nights of booze and weed to the respected senior professional at work seamlessly.  I'm waiting for the backlash.

I've been thinking a bit about whether I should settle down... part of me knows my life would be easier if I was in a normal couple – I'd eat better, do more, go places, meet people... but I also know I enjoy living alone and having time to myself to pursue my interests. 

I've lived my life making friends in different circles when I wanted to, and staying alone when I wanted to.  With a 'life partner' there is less scope to choose my own state and I tend to get frustrated that whoever I'm with can't change themselves to be the perfect gf the way I can easily slip into a perfect bf persona.

My gf has a 1st in psychology and knows I... well... we were scoring someone we know on the PCL and she asked me what I scored. I said 10 (I think actually between 16 and 22 depending on whether I score questions erring on the side of being conservative).  She was OK with that and she also asked me during a Dexter episode whether I was “dead inside” and I said “I guess I am what many would call flat affect”.
So maybe I could carve out an acceptable long term relationship with her, though she obviously lets her heart tell her I'm all good even though she knows a lot of how I behave must be an act.


G said...

I can't stand shopping either...I much prefer to give the wife a list and not worry about it :)

Haven said...

I'm glad you're back! Where have you been?

Oddly I've been thinking of settling down as well. Which may sound funny coming from someone like me, but traditionally while I may want companionship it also scares me so I don't do 'long term' things well. The stability does have its benefits though.

ResCogitans said...

on a break for DIY basically, with other time eaten by my gf.

commitment's something i'll think about... i guess that's a start. dunno how i'd handle it in the long term. maybe move her in here full time for a bit and see how it goes.

you got anyone in mind to settle down with?

Ana said...

:) yeah move her in and see how it goes. have in consideration the adjustement of habits you both will have. maybe you two can get along! it's good.

Bella said...

OMgoodness if I found someone I could tolerate who loved me and could handle my bitchy moods without taking it personally I'd like that. But I'd not rely on that person to stabilize me or my chaotic life again. I would be using them as a crutch and I don't want to need anyone ever again. < It's funny how that notion always seems to escape me when I am feeling loved. Go For It!

I tend to get frustrated that whoever I'm with can't change themselves to be the perfect gf the way I can easily slip into a perfect bf persona.

See I would want to fight this. I'd want to accept that nothing and nobody is perfect so I could also learn to accept myself.

ResCogitans said...

no harm in seeing how it goes... and will let her see some more of the real me - think she can handle it.

bella - it's not that simple. if she tells me something i habitually do that makes her life a tiny bit more difficult or simply just bugs her, then if it is reasonable i will immediately stop doing it. when the situation is reversed she, like most people, finds a habit hard to break. i get frustrated by the lack of symmetry in what she expects and what she does.

Bella said...

Do you want me to help you understand how I think, as a woman?

ResCogitans said...

lol sure, speak for womankind!

Bella said...

lol sure, speak for womankind!

Ok. ;) I like to do this. I'm totally serious.

I will speak for many and not all of us. Of course I project a lot. But I also have a lot of female friends.

In my opinion, because women seem to analyse every tiny nuance in the relationship (frightening thought, I know) and they don't see men doing the same, they feel they're doing a ton of work. It's time consuming dammit ;) To top it off they are also having sex with you. For free! MORE work!

(I am kidding but there is truth; People still call girls sluts when they "sleep around." It's in our psyche to balance this out no matter how much we enjoy sex.)

And now some man we just happen to think is adorable(that's you, Res) tempts us into giving some more?

Fuck THaT lol!
And every damn time you do that thing she doesn't like, to her it feels way more offensive than the teeny thing she does, which you should really suck up, I mean for crying out loud WHAT ELSE are you asking for !?

If you watch any stupid sit com you see the dopey husband role where they go along with everything the woman wants in the end. Nauseating, right? I think so.

The reason it works is that we have had to fight for every goddamm right in this world for centuries so it makes us feel powerful.

The reason it makes me want to puke is now we can look like shrews. Oh goody ~

You may not think reparations are in order.

But do you know how to throw a girl a bone?

ResCogitans said...

thanks, i guess it's much of what i expected - basically women are constitutionally incapable of being reasonable in a relationship. that's what you said, right? :p

"...dopey husband role where they go along with everything the woman wants..." lol definitely never be me :)
i think it's often the case that the man simply doesn't care much either way with a decision and knows that if he goes against what she wants that it'll cause him passive aggressive emotional hassle. really, women have evolved to be emotional blackmailers to keep their man - men's reproductive instincts are to move on after a while...

Bella said...

"..women are constitutionally incapable of being reasonable in a relationship. that's what you said, right? :p"
Just telling you where I think it comes from. You can draw your own conclusions :)

I don't think emotional blackmail ever works. Men do it all the time, too. I have a friend whose husband whined that his wife didn't give him enough attention because she went on facebook. Please. It's gross.

I think women are evolving into men and men are wimping out and growing breasts. Something has been killing femininity and masculinity. Maybe it's the hormones in our diet and the economy.

How high is the reproduction rate where you live, Res?

ResCogitans said...

dunno, but certainly higher among the degenerates than among the more intelligent... maybe we're regressing as a species.

Bella said...

Oh shit I was just going to wish you very intelligent offspring, but I forgot you said you weren't a breeder either. Salut.

ResCogitans said...

i like the idea of kids but it's a big commitment.
ideally the mother of my kids would do all the drudgery and i'd only interact when i wanted (which i think would be a lot, but i still want to feel more free than i would be...)
actually the idea of simply passing on my genes is attractive too - i've wondered about being a sperm donor. if i worked in a fertility clinic you can bet i'd be substituting my own juice!
my current gf seems like a keeper, and she's the broody type - loves kids/babies. prob will get a mini-me in maybe 3 - 5 years' time.

Bella said...

i consider that women are more insecure, therefore they think more about the partner and the relation and that men tend to feel comfortable and secure with the other person therefore don't make so much "effort". and insecurity does a lot.
regardless...i think people are so attached to this binary thinking (men/women) they feel the need to defend or in some cases denegrate their own gender.

I have been thinking about this, Ana. It must be insecurity or a defense mechanism for coping.

Fear is not good to have in a relationship, no.