Thursday, 21 April 2011


Yesterday was 20th April, and in North America the code/time/date of 4:20 is synonymous with cannabis.  I'm in an on-off abusive relationship with the weed; when I have it I abuse it, I have my way with it at any time of the day or night it suits me, and keep having my way until I'm satiated.  It makes me antisocial, though never paranoid, and dulls my thoughts to keep them from running away.  If I go too long without, I'm too aware, my thinking is too non-stop, and I'll not sleep.  I'll be on-the-ball, and I'll get shit done, but I'll be heading to the loony bin.  It's no coincidence that I've been off it for about 4 months and I'm getting a promotion.

Now the promotion is in the bag, I think it's time to celebrate with a joint or two.  I'll buy some in, and start growing - I'll have a short off period before the harvest is ready.  Joints are an art form - at university some friends even asked me to organise a masterclass in rolling the perfect joint.

I've tried more drugs than most could name, but skunk is the one I keep coming back to.  Ecstasy was the only other one I've had a regular affair with; cocaine does fuck all for me - I suspect my serotonin response is ok but my dopamine response is a fucked up.  But perhaps cocaine does nothing for me because I'm already an arrogant asshole ;)

I always stop when it starts affecting my life too much because I recognise that although it is lovely in the short term, it is not conducive to my plans in the long term.  Mental dulling and lack of physical fitness do not sit well with my self image, and so every joint I smoke is made that much sweeter because I know it will end again soon.

When I do quit, insomnia strikes with a vengeance and I have to be very careful that the mental benefits of not being stoned all the time do not outweigh the cost to my sanity of a long period of terrible insomnia.


Anonymous said...

I've been an insomniac for almost my entire life, since I've been a youth until now well into adulthood. Once in a while I will crash pretty hard, but usually I get 2-4 hours of sleep, tops.

Never been a big fan of weed myself. It's not bad, but it doesn't do me much good, either.

ResCogitans said...

mine comes and goes but is never worse than shortly after a long heavy binge period of weed. i'll never see myself as a stoner (loser) but a short period every now and then when i can lay back with a big spliff and just chill out and put a ball and chain on my brain is like a holiday :)

Anonymous said...

That sounds fantastic. I'm genuinely jealous.

For me, getting drunk is the closest I get to relaxed, and it's not that my mind is off (sadly) just that I feel really good and seemingly happy, as opposed to when I'm sober. Happy is not something I'm well acquainted with. Not being unhappy, so much as just not feeling happy/elated by virtually anything.

Haven said...

I only tried weed a couple times in high school and hated it. I couldn't stand the slow dull feeling. I have never tried it again, though many of my friends have attempted to change this. They tell me that different kinds have different experiences and I might have a better time now. I can't bring myself to do it though. I'm worried it will fry my brain.

I drink. Probably too much. Sadly unless I'm with or talking to interesting/amusing people this does not make me feel happy, not even around friends often. It just dulls my senses, relaxes me a bit, and slows down my brain so I don't think of the things that bother me in such a runaway fashion.

So yeah, unless I have stimulating things going around, especially dancing or watching certain kinds of movies with certain people, etc. even alcohol doesn't make me happy.

I've never tried any other kind of drug, ever.

ResCogitans said...

alcomohol is certainly a much better social drug. whilst i've had some great sociable times with people passing round joints, it is really now something that i prefer to do on my own to take a mental holiday.
i also drink too much, often coming home from work and having ~200ml of vodka/gin mixed with something in a pint glass. i do not ever drink enough to get drunk. i'll be out drinking and playing pool in a couple of hours :)
you've never tried any other [non-prescribed] drug!? i'd definitely recommend anyone to try a few e's. they can give you a new perspective on music and tribal culture. mushrooms are fun too but tbh i'm not sure i'd recommend them, or acid, to you!

Kelly said...

I think weed effects everyone differently. I've never had a problem with it. Fuck, I'm 47 yrs. old, been smokin' off and on since I was 16 and have always had a good time. Sometimes I'll take a 3-6 month to one year break because I get a little burnt out. In other words, it don't do much for me any longer. Anyway, when I hear that people are afraid of getting addicted to it to the point where they can't live without it, it makes me laugh really fuckin' hard. I'm pretty sure that these are the same fuckers that could easily get addicted to anything, like toothpaste sandwiches, for example. In short, I'm gonna go with ol' motto that "Moderation with pretty much everything is key. Going to extremes with anything is usually a bad idea." Damn. All this talk about ganja is giving me a hankering for it. But I can wait. Self control, fuckers, self control. Can ya dig it? :)

Steph said...

Ah, in canada, it's hardly considered a drug. Find a balance that works for you and smoke on!
(hey, it's better than hittin the bottle every day after work)

Anonymous said...

Actually, hitting the bottle everyday helps your longevity in the amount of stress reduction it causes, as stress is the #1 killer. Moderate drinkers typically outlive the sober.

Anonymous said...

Alcohol typically fucks up your sleep cycle. If you want to be in bed trying to fall asleep at 2 am, I hear your last drink should be finished by 10. Your sleep may be disturbed if you drink closer to bedtime. Pot is better, but it fucks with paranoia if you smoke it too often, and I think it screws with your brain and moods. And if you're lazy to begin with, ha- you're only going to think you deserve to take a little more time off than you do already,,,

Naps revive me so well, but they are the devil if I want to sleep a "normal" full night

ResCogitans said...

drinking in moderation (1 to 3 drinks a day) is healthier than being teetotal. plus, it's fun. it does seem to be logical to drink in moderation but i don't know how much of a free-will choice that is... what i do know is i'm glad i don't get hangovers :)

kelly - i dig it; some people just have addictive personalities and should know better than to try anything that might fuck them up if they go use it all the time.

steph - i hear it's like that in vancouver, and other west coast cities anyway. it was may last year i was at a dance party in toronto where no-one was drinking and there was a lot of blatant drug use of all kinds. good times. except someone i was with got arrested (not at the party) that night...

anon - i'd rather be a little drunk and get some sleep of any quality than be sober and just lie in bed trying to sleep!

a woman said...

That's a good article. It does not mention gender. My new gastro doc says 3 drinks per day everyday is too much for a woman. She's talking bout long term physical health, and has no interest in psych health, so ... free will weighs in.

A WOMAN said...

oops, the study adjusted for gender and age, and psych health.
Ha, your post on arguing must be theming here.

I do usually give examples of my opinions (which feed my free will choices) based on what I observe in others and myself. It works for me most of the time.

(I don't normally socialize with people who cite studies. -Only in this particular community)

Ana said...

I haven't smoke weed for so long... I started to get such a way that I wasn't able to be with people :[
such a shame, I used to like it. when it was thought stimulating.