Yesterday was 20th April, and in North America the code/time/date of 4:20 is synonymous with cannabis. I'm in an on-off abusive relationship with the weed; when I have it I abuse it, I have my way with it at any time of the day or night it suits me, and keep having my way until I'm satiated. It makes me antisocial, though never paranoid, and dulls my thoughts to keep them from running away. If I go too long without, I'm too aware, my thinking is too non-stop, and I'll not sleep. I'll be on-the-ball, and I'll get shit done, but I'll be heading to the loony bin. It's no coincidence that I've been off it for about 4 months and I'm getting a promotion.
Now the promotion is in the bag, I think it's time to celebrate with a joint or two. I'll buy some in, and start growing - I'll have a short off period before the harvest is ready. Joints are an art form - at university some friends even asked me to organise a masterclass in rolling the perfect joint.
I've tried more drugs than most could name, but skunk is the one I keep coming back to. Ecstasy was the only other one I've had a regular affair with; cocaine does fuck all for me - I suspect my serotonin response is ok but my dopamine response is a fucked up. But perhaps cocaine does nothing for me because I'm already an arrogant asshole ;)
I always stop when it starts affecting my life too much because I recognise that although it is lovely in the short term, it is not conducive to my plans in the long term. Mental dulling and lack of physical fitness do not sit well with my self image, and so every joint I smoke is made that much sweeter because I know it will end again soon.
When I do quit, insomnia strikes with a vengeance and I have to be very careful that the mental benefits of not being stoned all the time do not outweigh the cost to my sanity of a long period of terrible insomnia.