Saturday, 18 June 2011


So I tried out the Cleanmeter I saw linked on LostInIdaho's blog.

I was very disappointed!  Apart from the obvious fact that the cleanmeter's algorithm leaves a lot to be desired if it only picked up ONE mature theme and ONE reference to a deity, I realised that I simply don't swear enough.

As Stephen Fry said:
Swearing is a really important part of one's life. It would be impossible to imagine going through life without swearing and without enjoying swearing... There used to be mad, silly, prissy people who used to say swearing was a sign of a poor vocabulary -such utter nonsense. The people I know who swear the most tend to have the widest vocabularies and the kind of person who says swearing is a sign of a poor vocabulary usually have a pretty poor vocabulary themselves... The sort of twee person who thinks swearing is in any way a sign of a lack of education or a lack of verbal interest or -is just a fucking lunatic... I haven't met anybody who's truly shocked at swearing, really, they're only shocked on behalf of other people. Well, you know, that's preposterous... or they say 'it's not necessary'. As if that should stop one doing it! It's not necessary to have coloured socks, it's not necessary for this cushion to be here, but is anyone going to write in and say 'I was shocked to see that cushion there, it really wasn't necessary'? No, things not being necessary is what makes life interesting -the little extras in life. 

And aside from that, swearing like a fuck-cunt is actually good for you!  So, for the love of wank-shit why haven't I been swearing my shaven bollocks off?
The person I've wanted to be has always been someone who isn't driven by periodic outbursts of limbic emotion, such as anger, and therefore it has become habitual to restrain myself.  I take a mental step back and a deep breath and present a reasoned mask to the world anytime I am provoked when there is a recurring character in my life present.

That's part of the reason why I've really enjoyed the two long holidays I've taken alone, far away from anyone that knows me.


Haven said...

Hm..... Mine gave me:

Sexual references: 6
Anatomical references: 1
Vulgarity: 2
Mature themes: 1
Insults: 1

I immediately had to search for anatomical references and lo - I do say penis once but I can't imagine this is all there is on my blog haha. 2 vulgarities? I swear like a sailor on my bad days and if mentioning punting small children doesn't count as mature theme I don't know what does, hahahahhaa.

Thanks. This is awesome.

Anonymous said...

Swearing for me is... an interesting relationship. In my own head, I don't swear too often. But when I engage in conversation with certain types of people, I swear frequently. But if I'm with a different set of people, I might swear it all. It's like wearing appropriate attire for the occasion. I can shift from a post-collegiate level of conversation into complete 'morally degrading' speach patterns on a whim, and as far as I can tell, that's how I've been for a very long time.

But I do agree, I enjoy swearing. The problem with having a vast vocabulary is that you can rarely enjoy it with another person. It's not a wasted gift, but one not often fully utilized.

The word Fuck and Shit in that States has such a wide array of application depending on context and tone, it's highly (linguistically) appropriate in many circumstances if you are not spending time with a moral snob.

Cunt is probably my favorite swear word. That one still seems to affect people on a somewhat regular basis, regardless if they swear somewhat frequently or not.

Bella said...

I love the word "cunt." My favorite usage to this date?

"Who the cunt stole my chicken?!"

...Spoken by a train wreck of a wide-eyed blonde anorexic. Someone had stolen her chicken out of the communal refrigerator! she was on a strict diet!!

Who the cunt stole my chicken!!!!!!!!!!

Mike G said...

NotablePath, what the fuck are you talking about?

I jest. I know all too well, what the fuck you are talking about.

ResCogitans, I just wanted to thank you for commenting on my recent blog post. I wanted to let you know that I have started my blog again. I really like your posts and hope to go through some more in the next few evenings. Take care, mate.

ResCogitans said...

yeah in the UK it seems like 'cunt' is the most offensive swear word now. then in a few years we'll all be desensitised to it and another word will take its place.
i still find it funny when i see that simpsons episode with homer calling someone a wanker :)

Ana said...

it's good to take a break!
i find the people very hostile. fucking cunts :b

Anonymous said...

Hm, I really don't hear many people use Cunt inside the US, and when I do hear it, it is virtually never playful, but extreme anger/loathing. It's not used nearly as much as the other common swear words.

Bella said...

I once was on train late at night, and couldn't stop looking at this woman with her little girl. We were the only ones on he train. When she was getting off, I said "cute" under my breath. She shot me a look and said What did you say?!" I said C U T E your kid is C U T E!!! She sheepishly said "oh. Ok thanks." I was terrified for a second and then I concluded that that woman was probably a cunt herself.

ResCogitans said...

TNP, i guess a swear word is only shocking if used infrequently - once commonplace it loses its shock value. in UK also it is not used much and virtually never playfully; it is still too offensive to use jokingly by most.

Bella, lol do you live in a large city perhaps? people are so defensive and paranoid of strangers in big cities...

Anonymous said...

Well, I enjoy a good mind-fuck, so I use is somewhat commonly :P

Bella said...

I do live in a big city, Res.
Public swearing is a perk and a privilege for us ;

Bella said...

I like it for shock value sometimes, and for other times to let off steam. Letting off steam mostly. And I hear swearing is a good way to get rid of anger. Swearing is healthy.