Friday, 18 February 2011

New hobby

I need a new hobby.  Assuming no-one joins my proposed religion, I'll need an outlet for my... more... rule breaking side.  Even though by anyone else's standards my life is exciting, and filled with things to do, I often feel that it is the same shit different day.
I think my new hobby will be stealing stuff from churches.  They are rich and full of woo and the good folk that go to the church will see My act as being part of god's plan - perhaps god will make me do it to test their faith or for some otherwise obscure ineffable purpose.  It really makes me laugh that anything I do to their church will turn out to be an ontological triumph for their faith.  It cracks me up that the religious tell you that you must know god and in the next breath tell you he moves in mysterious unknowable ways.  If everything in the world that can possibly happen can be explained as falling within his will, then you do not know him and have no business worshiping him.

I will certainly be on the lookout for opportunity to sabotage any bells they ring to cut my sleep short on a Sunday morning.  Inconsiderate fuckers.  Maybe I should blow my atheist vuvuzela every 3am outside the bishop's bedroom window. 

6 comments:

TheNotablePath said...

I'd be wary in such an approach. Judges can be absolutely merciless when the "people's" religion is attacked in an illegal means. Either it affects them, or their friends. Expect no mercy. But yes, they certainly would see it as a test of faith, no doubt about that.

Good luck and god's speed ;)

ResCogitans said...

well i don't intend to get caught!

HavenNyx said...

Get a digeridoo, or a bullroarer, they're way more fun.

Maybe instead of stealing you can just sneak in an invert all the religious icons. Not really doing anything too illegal and still sending a rather disturbing message to the parish.

notme said...

I would sit quietly in a pew and then during the sermon stand up, go up to the priest dude and begin to explain how i'm the new messiah, or some shit...
Boy, that would be fun...

ResCogitans said...

lol good ideas... maybe put fliers in the prayer books, or turn the crosses upside down.
TBH much as it appeals to my narc side, i suspect that claiming to be the 2nd coming during a sermon is more likely to lead to a beating or a psychiatric assessment than a conversion of the flock :)
i pass a couple of churches during my occasional nocturnal walks, i think i'll bring my lock-picks with me next time...

TheNotablePath said...

Just make sure they don't have a security system :P You don't want to be the grown me in the jail cell who was caught for flipping crucifixes at a church :P

Breaking and entering.... For Jeebus! ;)