I need a new hobby. Assuming no-one joins my proposed religion, I'll need an outlet for my... more... rule breaking side. Even though by anyone else's standards my life is exciting, and filled with things to do, I often feel that it is the same shit different day.
I think my new hobby will be stealing stuff from churches. They are rich and full of woo and the good folk that go to the church will see My act as being part of god's plan - perhaps god will make me do it to test their faith or for some otherwise obscure ineffable purpose. It really makes me laugh that anything I do to their church will turn out to be an ontological triumph for their faith. It cracks me up that the religious tell you that you must know god and in the next breath tell you he moves in mysterious unknowable ways. If everything in the world that can possibly happen can be explained as falling within his will, then you do not know him and have no business worshiping him.
I will certainly be on the lookout for opportunity to sabotage any bells they ring to cut my sleep short on a Sunday morning. Inconsiderate fuckers. Maybe I should blow my atheist vuvuzela every 3am outside the bishop's bedroom window.