Monday, 31 January 2011

Cracks showing

So, as I knew would happen, I've not been the most sane lately.  Not too bad.  It's very much tied in with my physical well-being.  My blood pressure rose to the point that a med student friend almost drove me to the hospital there and then when she measured it.  My resting heart rate was over 90, compared to 50 normally.  Mind racing.  No concentration.  Physically shaking, with many people in work asking me if I'm cold... perhaps I am some of the time, my homeostasis seems to be a bit off generally lately.  I'm also incredibly tetchy.  My normally infinite self control is very thin at the moment and I have snapped at a few people... it must be terrible to live on aggressive impulses like that all the time.  People like that should be locked up ;)

I thought I may as well go to the doctor so I did my research beforehand and bonded with him over his favourite TV program and the car he'd just bought, to ensure he took care of me and wouldn't put anything in my notes I didn't want.  So now I've been given some beta-blockers which have taken my heart rate and BP down.  I'm still shaking though, and weirdly the insomnia is now fine at night (getting to sleep before midnight sometimes!) but now I'm waking between 4 and 6 and not getting back to sleep - that has never happened before; once I'm asleep I have never had a problem staying asleep.  I've slept through a smoke alarm, in a noisy pub, and in the back of a helicopter doing low level maneuvers.
More test results tomorrow, hopefully ruling out anything very bad.  96% likely that it is just a manic phase combined with work stress, combined with no weed to slow down my mind, combined with not enough sleep.  But that 4% should be ruled out - e.g. liver/kidney/thyroid/adrenal gland problem.  I should be very disappointed if it turned out I were mortal after all!   ;)


may contain traces of nuts said...

sounds like your body is telling to you slow down. i had a very bad end to my year last year and felt myself falling apart in the very same way. interesting what you say about body temp - the same thing was happening to me. its well known that when under stress certain body fucntions shut down. i went away for a week, stayed in a hut miles from anywhere, no phones no contact, not even a mirror. i took basic food, nothing flash. fasted for the last 2 days. came back feeling like a new person. even my sleep returned to normal

Anonymous said...

I've noticed. Not your typical, cool head that you like to present.

Good luck!

ResCogitans said...

yeah! still immortal ;) everything negative - must just be stress.

when i stand on a precipice (literally) i feel calm but observe my heart beating faster and my legs feeling slightly abnormal. i got a pet snake when i was a kid because when i handled snakes i dispassionately observed the same sort of physiological changes. i think my unconscious limbic responses have a pathway to effect physical changes but not mental ones. this would explain why i haven't felt stressed but am exhibiting extreme physical signs of it. like someone with congenital analgesia who doesn't notice a physical injury until it gets really bad, it would seem i have not noticed a cumulative mental injury until the physical manifestations became quite blatant.
time to make some changes.

HavenNyx said...

You're lucky you've never had sleep issues. I've had terrible problems with sleep ever since I was about 12. Clinical insomnia (which is lovely for mood swings), broken sleep, the inability to sleep in on weekends... fortunately that's what Trazadone is for.

ResCogitans said...

You're lucky you've never had sleep issues
eh? are you paying attention? :p
i've never before had an issue staying asleep once asleep, but getting to sleep...